Thursday, March 22, 2012

LA Stories: The Time I Met Scott Disick's Stand-In


My friend and I were out on the town, holed up at a place in Silverlake called the Red Lion Tavern.  The joint was packed. We were on the patio, standing around a table with a couple good-looking dames. A guy gets up from the table next door, drink in hand, and staggers over to introduce himself.  He looks like he's on the wrong side of 25, swarthy complexion, and is otherwise physically unremarkable. 

guy: hey what's up? how are you guys going tonight?
me: good.
guy: i'm sorry i didn't even introduce myself. what's your name?
me: chloe. 
guy: you know what? you look just like my friend sonia. 
me: really?
guy: yeah like exactly. 
me: cool. 
guy: hey do you guys watch 'keeping up with the kardashians'?
me: not really. 
guy: do you know who scott disick is?
me: sure, i've heard of him. he's the husband right?
guy: let me tell you something. scott disick is the man. 
me: really? i've heard he's kind of a douche. 
guy: no, sonia. let me tell you something. scott is the man. i'm scott's stand-in. 
me: wow. 
guy: sonia, scott is a pimp. you know how i know he's a pimp?
me: no. 
guy: he's a pimp. you know how i know he's a pimp? 
*dramatic pause*
guy: he wears a polka dot suit and he still picks up chicks. 
me: if he picks up chicks it's probably because he's in reality tv. 
guy: no, sonia. he wears a polka dot suit and he picks up chicks. scott is the man. 
me: ok.

Every generation has its heroes. 

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

This is Not My Paranoid Fantasy.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)


Invasion of the Body Snatchers is a 1978 movie directed by Philip Kaufman. It reminds me of the time I spent a day in Anne Heche's brain.  I know it sounds silly now when you hear about Anne getting arrested and walking around the desert with no clothes on and talking to God about taking people back to heaven in a spaceship...but I'm still not convinced she was wrong. It's like Woody Allen says, "What if nothing exists and we're all in someone else's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?"  What if Anne Heche isn't crazy?  What if we're the ones who have it all wrong and she's just the noble-hearted tramp trying to save humanity by leading us to a celestial alien paradise?

See, this is what watching 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' does to a person. It absorbs you into its paranoid fantasy and makes you sympathetic towards the plight of the everyday schizophrenic.

The movie is actually a remake of a 1956 sci-fi flick of the same name directed by Don Siegel (Dirty Harry) and starring Kevin McCarthy and Dana Wynter.  The 1978 version stars Donald Sutherland, Brooke Adams, Jeff Goldblum, Veronica Cartwright, and Leonard Nimoy.  It has a really rad opening scene where we see these wispy, ethereal organisms floating up from an unknown planet like dandelion seeds and landing on Earth.  They grow into strange little flowers that contain these pods.  After Brooke Adams takes home one of the flowers, she notices that her boyfriend begins acting very strangely, kind of like a soulless yuppie.  She confides in her co-worker Donald Sutherland, who takes her to his psychologist friend Leonard Nimoy.  The doctor tells her it's all in her head. Calm down, baby, don't worry that pretty, little head of yours. Here, take a sedative. (I'm paraphrasing.)  But soon it becomes pretty apparent that half the population of San Francisco is acting strangely, as if they're all in on some global conspiracy.  The rest of the movie has Sutherland, Adams, my man Jeff Goldblum, and Alien-alum Cartwright on the run, trying to escape the fate of the pod people.

And now we enter spoiler-ish territory, so beware...

The pod people are duplicates of humans that take over their lives. Kaufman does a fantastic job of slowly building this atmosphere of quiet, unsettling terror.  So when we actually see these giant pods birthing out doubles, it's all the more shocking.  Most of the movie I was enjoying the sort of cerebral sci-fi thriller that I thought 'Invasion' was, then all of a sudden we have this fully bizarre, disturbing sequence where a naked Donald Sutherland double comes writhing out of this vaginal pod flower.

This damn youtube clip isn't embedding so watch it here.

By the time Donald bashes his own double's skull in, it's like suddenly you're watching an early David Cronenberg movie.  Heads will explode.


Sidenote:

Seriously is it just me, or is there an uncanny resemblance between Brooke Adams, Margot Kidder, and Karen Allen?


I'm not ruling out the possibility that they were concocted in a laboratory by Spielberg, DePalma, and Kaufman when they were in between making movies and hanging out at the beach.  KaRooGot were Frankenhooker triplet pleasure bots with secondary programming as actresses until Margot Kidder malfunctioned and went rogue. If you don't believe me, just look it up in the footnotes of Easy Riders, Raging Bulls.

Monday, March 19, 2012

William Katt: American Hero


I felt bad that I didn't give any props to William Katt in the 'Carrie' review.  He played the character of Tommy Ross, but I mostly referred to him as Amy Irving's boyfriend, which is unfair. He has the curly golden mop of a Nordic prince, but he's still a human being.  I shouldn't have objectified him as "the boyfriend."  To assuage my guilt, I decided to do a little in depth research on Mr. Katt by looking him up on imdb.

His credits are extensive, but most of them I didn't recognize. As far as I can tell, he's the sort of actor who works consistently in television and low budget movies in a variety of large and small parts.  He did star in a TV series in the 80s called 'The Greatest American Hero.' He was also in a bunch of made-for-TV Perry Mason movies with his real-life mother actress Barbara Hale.

In my opinion, that is not how the greatest American hero should stand.

IMDB gives a couple interesting bits of trivia.
1. He was up for the part of Luke Skywalker, which I can totally see.
2. He hated his "The Greatest American Hero" costume so much, he refused to wear it for a TV Guide cover shoot so they used an illustration of him instead.

I suspect perhaps some disgruntled former TV Guide employee now works for IMDB because on William Katt's page his profile picture is of an animated character he voiced from some movie called 'Firedog.'  Seems like kind of a cold move.


Katt also starred in the 1978 film 'Big Wednesday', directed by John Milius, along with Jan Michael Vincent and Gary Busey.  I haven't seen this movie, but it looks rad. A review may be forthcoming.

Most importantly, I discovered that Katt participated in Shelley Duvall's Faerie Tale Theatre in the episode 'Thumbelina.'  He stars with his alternate-universe-Star-Wars-costar Carrie Fisher in the role of Thumbelina. The episode also features Burgess Meredith as the pedantic, slightly pervy Mr. Mole, who takes exception to a teleological view of history and is not averse to bursting into song.


I think this is one of the stronger Faerie Tale Theatre tales. The production design still has that community theater vibe, but it's inventive and displays a lot of visual flair.  After the Frog woman kidnaps Thumbelina from her matchbox, she meets a bunch of odd characters like the Mr. Mole and Mr. Field Mouse and the Swallow.  The Frog woman wants to marry her off to her gross Frog son but Thumbelina escapes and floats downstream on her lily pad.  She meets the Field Mouse and he's really nice. He seems like a gentleman. He takes her in and introduces her to "one of the wealthiest rodents of the region" Mr. Mole.  They both seem like surrogate fathers to her until the Field Mouse drops a bomb on her by declaring she has to marry Mr. Mole.  Poor Thumbelina. Everywhere she goes people just try to marry her off.  Just because she's the size of a thumb and her brain is accordingly minuscule, that doesn't mean she can't make her own choices.

The only downside to this production was all the talking animals and singing gave Carrie Fisher an acid flashback to the drugged out haze of the Star Wars Holiday Special.  Consequently, she had a brief relapse and the resultant coke binge was caught on film.


Luckily, all was well by the time she filmed her scenes with William Katt.  William Katt plays the role of the Flower Prince.  The Swallow shows up just in time to save Thumbelina on the day of her wedding to Mr. Mole. He flies her off to the magical fairy kingdom where the Flower Prince lives.  Truthfully, William Katt doesn't have a lot to do in this. He only pops up at the end to play the size and species appropriate love interest of Thumbelina. But it's good casting because William Katt looks exactly like how I imagine a fairy prince.  I understand why Carrie Fisher would want to marry him. And that's not at all a veiled reference to Bryan Lourd. 


I don't know how involved she was in the casting process but props to Actress and Fairy Tale Enthusiast Shelley Duvall anyway for giving us more William Katt.  And in case you were wondering, those are her official titles. I know because she gave me her business card once. 




Sunday, March 18, 2012

Carrie (1976): They're All Gonna Laugh At You!


CARRIE (1976)
directed by Brian DePalma
starring
Sissy Spacek.....Carrie White
Piper Laurie......Margaret White
Amy Irving.......Sue Snell
William Katt.....Tommy Ross
John Travolta....Billy Nolan
Nancy Allen.....Chris Hargensen
Betty Buckley...Miss Collins


I saw this movie a long time ago but forgot how great it was. "Carrie" is based on a novel by Stephen King. It was the first Stephen King novel ever published and the first film adaptation of his work. 

It's about this ill-adjusted girl Carrie who discovers she has the power to move things with her mind. 

Sissy Spacek had to really fight for this role. Supposedly it almost went to the ex-Mrs. Spielberg Amy Irving before Spacek blew everyone away with her audition tape. The other, less substantiated rumor floating around is that DePalma and George Lucas held joint auditions for Star Wars: A New Hope and Carrie.  According to rumor, Spacek was cast as Leia and Carrie Fisher was cast as Carrie. However, the actresses switched roles when Fisher refused to do the extensive nude scenes involved in DePalma's film. (Fisher has denied this rumor.)

In any case, this is one of those times when I think the gods smiled down on us and the Universe (...or DePalma...or Carrie Fisher's sense of propriety) got it right. We have Fisher's beloved Princess Leia and Spacek's perfect portrayal of Carrie.  If I'd seen this movie without knowing who Sissy Spacek was, I would have sworn up and down that this was one of those rare cases where they stumbled across an unknown who was simply born for this one role and would virtually disappear immediately after it. It's not that I don't value Spacek's body of work, but I kind of wish the earth would have just swallowed her up after this movie, taking her down in a ginger blaze of glory after she fulfilled her purpose playing Carrie White. 

The physical embodiment of the character is astonishing. Lank hair, big watery eyes, translucent skin...she sort of floats around the school like a ghost, willing herself to be invisible, but for these fucking assholes who keep tormenting her because she's an easy mark. She's bad at sports; she chews on her hair; she's a loner and an outcast. With the exception of Miss Collins (played by DePalma's ex Betty Buckley), even the teachers are kind of jerks. The principal can't get her name right and the English teacher plays along with the predatory pack mentality of the other students, mocking her for her concise criticism of Tommy Ross's poem. 

King says he based the character of Carrie on a couple girls he knew growing up. I feel like everyone knew a girl like this at some point. They were odd looking. They never said the right thing, and even if they did say the right thing they said it in the wrong way.  They might have smelled a little off, not offensively so, but maybe like that girl in Juno who allegedly smelled like soup.  Maybe you never had the chipmunk viciousness of Nancy Allen going after the poor girl, but let's be honest, you probably exchanged a few meaningful, mocking glances at her expense. You didn't invite her out for a frappaccino with all the other girls. Whatever. 

Lucky for you she wasn't telekinetic like Carrie. And she probably didn't have a religious nut for a mother who locked her in a closet and forced her to pray for her salvation from her 'dirty pillows.' (She deserves more than a parenthetical remark, but this is already too long so I'll just say that Piper Laurie is hysterically terrifying in this.)  So you understand why Carrie is so ill-adjusted. She never really had a chance. However, that knowledge doesn't totally negate the fact that Carrie is somewhat repellant.  On the one hand, she's so vulnerable you can't help feeling for her and to a certain extent, rooting for her when she goes on her prom killing spree. On the other hand, she's so vulnerable it borders on irritating.  You want Vincent Cassel to swoop in just like he did in 'Black Swan' and hiss in that scathingly French way, "Don't be so fucking weak!" 

I have a friend who thinks that 'The Descent' was an allegory for menstruation. I don't know. Maybe. He made a pretty convincing case. I forget the details. 'Carrie' might not be an allegory for menstruation, but in a way it does come full circle from where menstruation is the starting point.  In the first scene, Carrie gets her period in the shower after gym class and freaks out because she doesn't know what a period is. She's holding up her hand that's covered in blood, reaching out desperately to the other girls in hysterics, thinking she's dying. They, of course, respond by throwing tampons at her until she's huddled, naked and crying, in the corner of the shower. In the prom scene, she's covered in blood again, this time head to toe. But instead of cowering in a corner getting tampons thrown at her, she turns the table on everyone and starts throwing shit at them. Except instead of throwing tampons, she throws live electrical wiring and large pieces of wall...and she does in with her mind. Take that, motherfuckers. 

My rambling, semi-coherent point is, in the beginning of the movie she 'becomes a woman' (yeesh) in the purely anatomical-dopey-homespun-"Auntie Flo came to town" sense.  But she remains a fragile girl for the most part, even as she attempts to lay down the law a little with her mother. At the end, she experiences a sort of baptism through blood that allows her to unleash the best within and make full use of her telekinetic abilities to take vengeance upon the entire school body that had tormented her for all those years. In other words, she becomes the crazy she-devil that her mother and a large chunk of medieval to modern society had warned her about. The rampaging, blood-soaked monster that is a menstruating woman. DePalma being DePalma, I suspect he's riffing off this antiquated (yet still somehow highly prevalent) conceit. 


There's a wonderful nihilistic twist to the proceedings. The fact is, the school body had actually started to accept her just prior to the bloody prank, which, as we know, was perpetrated solely by Nancy Allen and John Travolta and their little minions.  Amy Irving had gone out of her way to be nice to her by letting her boyfriend take her to the prom because she felt bad about the whole tampon-throwing incident. The boyfriend was a pretty stand-up guy himself and seemed to be enjoying the evening in a non-condescending way. People complimented her on her dress. They clapped happily when she was elected prom queen. Man, things could have turned out okay for Carrie White. She would have moved out of her mom's house after graduation, gotten a couple roommates, started exploring herself sexually, maybe gotten a job as a paralegal or something.  She still would have used her powers, but to do things like close the blinds and summon the TV remote. 

But just as this future was in sight, that bucket of pig's blood got dumped on her head and it all went to hell. Carrie hears her mother's voice in her head screeching "They're all gonna laugh at you! They're all gonna laugh at you!" And they are laughing, but I don't think it's really at her. They're shocked into silence when the blood drops on her. They only start laughing when her date gets knocked out by the falling bucket. There's a reason slapstick is the broadest form of comedy. It cuts across all cultures and age groups and high school social cliques.  But no one had time to explain the finer points of Laurel and Hardy to Carrie before she took it personally.  She probably thought it was some cruel, elaborate prank a la 'She's All That.'  They'd all been playing a psychological game with her and the entire school was in on it, building her up to her grand moment (which DePalma plays out in exquisitely prolonged fashion) before cutting her down in the worst way possible.  If this actually had been the case, then this scene would have been another bloody tale of exploitative revenge where you could throw popcorn at the screen and fist pump. But the truth is, it was all kind of a misunderstanding. 

I'm ending this blog post the same way DePalma ended 'Carrie' because I have no originality and I get lazy after all this damn writing. 



...




Boom! I guess you lose the shock element when it's just a picture. Because when Sissy Spacek's hand (and yes it really was Sissy's hand) grabbed Amy Irving, I jumped out of my own skin.

And finally...DePalma apparently has no originality either as this scene was directly inspired (by his own admission) by Deliverance. 


(..jk Mr. DePalma I still worship the ground you walk on.)